I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
