between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
