it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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