what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
