I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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