The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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