I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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