11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
