3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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