Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
