Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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