It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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