Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
