His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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