wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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