I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
