I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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