My sheets look like a crime scene.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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