It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
