Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.