question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
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You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
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You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.