cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize