There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
