I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
