Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
