I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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