somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
