You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
