i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
