Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
