Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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