I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My boob is missing a layer of skin
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
