It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
