when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
im on a boat
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