oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
