Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
