I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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