Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
