well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize
