Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize