Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize