i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
