haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
