That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
