Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
