My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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