tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just had sex bonerless
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
