U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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