Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
