i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
