DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
