Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
