If you die in college, do you die in real life?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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