I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
ttyl tear gas
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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