It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
