nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
