Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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