I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
