She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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