Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
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Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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