Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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