Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
