The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
